2012 Election Wrap Up

It's been six days since the election and although we avoided a major catastrophe like the 2000 election, 2012 has had its own fair share of wacko to keep us entertained.  On the surface, not much changed last Tuesday night.  We still have the same President (yay)!  The Dem's still have the Senate and the Republicans still have the House (and Boehner still has his spray tan)!  Even though the Presidential race was uncontroversial, the election was still exciting.

As if we needed anymore convincing of Mitt's abundance of class and generosity, he capped off a campaign full of warm-fuzzy moments by cutting off his campaign staff's credit cards the second his concession speech was over.  Romney was allegedly overheard grumbling that in 2016 he would hire his campaign staff directly from China.  He was last seen exiting his hotel room for his get away car with son Tagg behind the wheel and the engine running.  Ann Romney was reportedly beating him about his ears with her purse and shrieking, "2016 my magic underwear, Mitt...I said never again."

Many conservatives were disappointed with the election results, especially those who gave Karl Rove millions of dollars to elect Romney.  Sour grapes were the breakfast menu item of choice for the Citizens United set who found out the hard way that corporations needed to be lots and lots of people to win an election.  Sheldon Adelson was last seen looking frantically for his "get out of jail free" card, while Karl Rove was quietly looking for the best deal on Priceline for a flight to the Caymens.  

Grover Norquist expressed his displeasure with the election,  saying that there could have been a whole different outcome if President Obama had only refrained from calling Romney a "poopy-head." Norquist went on to say that the President refused to share his votes nicely and ate paste.

Florida Tea-Party Congressman Allen West threatened to hold his breath and refused to concede to Democratic winner Patrick Murphy.  West's campaign team hired the law firm Lipton, Tetley and Twinings to file a motion demanding a recount of ballots in all fifty states in case people in the other 49 may have voted for him.  "Ya never know", West stated, "I'm a likable dude."  

In other concession related news, Arizona Senate candidate Richard Carmona unconceded his concession in his race with Jeff Flake after 600,000 ballots went uncounted.  Flake held a news conference where he said to reporters, "No take-backsies" and left the stage.

In a final election night upset, Florida Governor Rick Scott was reportedly extremely disappointed to learn that his state lost it's bid for America's Worst-Run-Election, after holding the title since 2000.  He congratulated Arizona's Governor Jan Brewer on her state's win, but vowed to retake the title in the 2014 mid-term election.  "Arizona got lucky", Scott said, "but we Floridians wrote the book on screwing up an election, we'll be back on the bottom in 2014".

I can hardly wait...